At this point last year, I had stopped caring about my grades. I already knew I had no chance of being valedictorian and I felt that my 12 years of hard work and effort had been for naught. I was honestly heartbroken. Because of this I decided to rebell...
On this very day one year ago, I decided to permanantly mark my body. I had always wanted a tattoo, but was never "brave" enough to go and get one. But at this point in my life I had just enough rebellion in me to actually do it. I decided to get a cross tattoo, not becuase Jesus was my Lord and Savior, but because I felt it was the only thing my mom wouldn't completley stroke out over, and that my parents wouldn't disown me for. Looking back on it, I do not regret getting the tattoo, but I do regret the reasoning behind it.
This tattoo was only the beggining of the end for me... I went to grad week, then the beach for a weekend with friends, and then finally got around the completley wrong crowd when I first started school. I will not go into the details of that time in my life because it is beyond the scope of this blog, but if you would like to discuss it with me feel free to contact me.
But finally, around on August 31st Kelsey Fuller and Jason Green invited me to Campus Crusade for Christ for the first time. I remember I went back to my dorm, and just cried and cried that night becuase I was so convicted by God of the way I had been living my life. I got a phone call that night from Faith Morey and she gave me several verses to read because she said she felt led to give them to me.
Ephesians 2:1-10:
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, 2 in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. 3 All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh[a] and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath.4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy,5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions —it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, 7 in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. 8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. 10 For we are God’s handiwork,created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."
Ephesians 6:10-20:
"Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. 19 Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel, 20 for which I am an ambassador in chains.Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."
2 Thesolinians 1:11-12:
11 With this in mind, we constantly pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling, and that by his power he may bring to fruition your every desire for goodness and your every deed prompted by faith. 12 We pray this so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ.[c]
Psalm 51:
"Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar."
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar."
I joined a bible study with Brian Coffin and he began to pour into me as well. At about this same time, a good friend from back home Kayla Phillips, told me I should meet Alex Mull. So of course I listened to her, and I met him. Alex, truly helped to turn my life around. He poured into me in a manner in which no one had ever shown me. I do believe that if God would not have used him in my life, that I may very well be stuck in a life of sin. And for that I am eternally greatful that God put such a man of God into my life to help me get back into my walk with him.
I began to meet some more Christian friends who began to pour into me, and I joined another bible study with Steven Andrews and Kenny Ragsdell. These guys also began to pour into me and I began to meet some of the guys in the study who also poured into me. I finally realized that the lifestyle I was living was not the one that I was supposed to be living. I hit rock bottom at that point in my life, and while it was still a struggle for me to get my life back on track and took me several months to do so, I am finally living my life for Christ again.
My Lord and Savior saved my soul from eternal damnation.
Psalm 103:12
"as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us."
Romans 8:37-39
"No, in all these things we are more than conquerors thorugh him who loved us. For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
So no matter what I have done in my past, God still loves me. His love is unfathomable and despite all my sins and flaws he still loves me unconditionally. Because of this knowledge, and the pure love that was shown me by all those that God placed into my life, I do believe my life was saved from one of great hardship and trial. I thank God daily for the people he placed into my life during that time and that he used to help turn me around.
All this occured in the span of September to around December. At about this time Grant Rhodes asked Alex and I to attend Passion conference in Atlanta Georgia with his church. And we decided to go, and I was truly blown away. 40,000 + college students all gathering in one place to worship and grow closer to our God was truly a life changing event.
I then went back to school in January, and began to make many new friends. Probably the best friends I have ever had in my life. I met Luke Beeson and Bryan Moffitt, and these two incredible guys poured into me and helped me through many issues in my life. I met Justin Thomas, Chris Nelsen, (got closer to Tyler Melvin, Grant Rhodes, Jason Green, and Kelsey Fuller), Grant Buckner, Joe McDonald, Jameson Boone, Racheal Cashwell, Sarah Lipinski, Emily Ficken, Kristin Teague, Kimberly Sackaman, and several others who I am not recalling as I write this in the middle of the night. All of these friends poured into me, and many of them know many of my flaws yet the love me anyways. They have shown me true friendship, and in doing so have shown me God's love. So I am incredibly thankful for all these people, and the role they have played in my life.
If you would have been told 9 months ago, that I would be where I am now I wouldn't have believed you. Yet here I am, on a 10 week summer mission trip at "the most magical place on earth" to share my story and my faith with those that I will be working with, and other students from around the world. This just goes to show that "Many are the plans in the minds of man, yet it is the lords purpose that prevails" ~ Proverbs 19:21. God uses occurances in our life to make us not only stronger individuals but also draw us closer to him. Not only did God call me to be on this amazing mission trip, he is also calling me to lead a group of freshman guys next year, as they face many of the same struggles I did. I can only pray that the Lord uses me to help these guys I will lead in the manner so many have helped me. But on another note, I am incredibly excited to be on this trip, and I am unceasingly praying that God will use me however he pleases for the betterment of his kingdom and to bring him glory.
I just wanted to share, how incredible God is and how awesome it is that he wrought these changes in my life in only a year. Looking back, I can't believe I am even the same person I was a year ago, and in many ways I am not. I know this post doesn't have much to do about my project itself, and today's "blog" will come later, after we have actually done stuff, but I just felt led to share this little bit of my story with all of you.
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